Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Abnormal addiction/Mood swings

Time started: 5:23pm
Place: My room
Weather: Nothing significant
Mood: Bipolar

Yes, it's abnormal to listen to the same song on repeat non-stop since you first got it. I can't stop listening to it X_x. *Nods* yes, it's still "Shespider" by Mew. Found out that it was a protest song against the Danish Government and since I found that out I analysed it and loved the song even more. I'm not going to go into any detail about my analysis though.
I woke up at 8am (I slept...yay...), got online and just talked to Erik and Lisa. I setted off to the University's Library to meet up with my design group to make our progress presentation. Everyone turned up except for Ben which sucked because we couldn't do our presentation properly. He couldn't meet up with us tomorrow too so we're pretty much screwed because there aren't any other days we can do our presentation before our real thing on Thursday after school starts. Well...at least we got a lot of work done without him.
I came back, and had an interesting argument about music for Lisa, against Baggy. I felt bad after that though. Sorry Baggy! *Hugs Baggy*. It was an interesting argument though ^^.
You know...I think I've listened to this song like 300 times in a row...sad I know. I'm surprised that I'm loving it more each time I listen to it. I'm listening to it now as I'm writing this blog. Gargh! I hate myself for ruining the song but I cannot part with it.
Hours pass...still listening to the song...and I all of a sudden felt depressed again. I miss my dad. I love him so much and I hate him so much. I want him here with me. I want him to be part of my life. Yes I know I should be "happy with what I've got" but...
I'm so bad...I'm taking my depression out on my friends...I'm not talking to them much. I can't be bothered with anything either...this is a really bad habit of mine and I need to fix it instead of ignoring those who are trying to help me...
I'm going to have Crab dinner with Jasper's mum tonight. Jasper's mum and sister are moving to Timor soon. I hope it will be a good night. I'll probably be singing "Shespider" for the entire dinner though...I sang it in the shower...I'm going to miss them...life has changed so much this year. So many people are gone...
I'm so emo...that's not good. I can't move on with a lot of things...I'm completely fragile and bipolar. The smallest things can make me so happy...and the smallest things can make me so depressed too. Why do I have to be so sensitive? I'm so worn out with all my emotions. I just want to feel emotionless for one little while...
So many mistakes in my life...so hard to fix...I can't let go...I can't fall out of love...everything is just so dear for me...everything...
I'm so tired...

Time finished: 5:45pm
Weather: Nothing significant
Mood: Dead


Anonymous Anonymous said...

=( *hugs* Cheer up! I understand how you feel. I get depressed over the smallest thing too and it sucks. Don't worry, bet you'll enjoy dinner tonight with Jasper's mum. =)
And actually, it's not really abnormal to listen to a song so many times. You're just er, addicted to it. ^_^;; Lol, nvm.
*Kills the song and runs off*

Tuesday, April 11, 2006 5:55:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

take pride in your emotions - being emotionless is even worse. at least you can care for things and show feelings, instead of being empty and pretending all the time

Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:09:00 pm  
Blogger •°¤*(¯`°ƒåήğזє°´¯)*¤°• said...

omg...i'm didnt really enjoy having dinner with jasper's mum. i shall have nightmares about his computer >_<

thanks anonymous, whoever you are *hugs*

Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:28:00 pm  
Blogger Bird said...

hey, it's ok, don't worry about it. It's called difference in opinion :)

Crab dinner? plz don't tell me that you are eating the crabs walking by your garden XD

I hope you feel better soon, you know we are all here for you. Don't feel bad, we are your friends and we are not going to walk out on you just because you are emo! If we do, we are not worth your friendship.

Now go get some rest, and dream some sweet thoughts! Love you *hugz*

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 5:27:00 am  
Blogger •°¤*(¯`°ƒåήğזє°´¯)*¤°• said...

lol..no, it's not the same crab as the one walking around my yard...i didnt eat any crab last night coz I was thinking about the one that was scuttling around...
i dreamt about spiders...fun...

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 9:19:00 am  
Blogger Bird said...

Spiders can be beautiful! Just don't touch the beautiful ones, they usually bite hard :p

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 11:40:00 am  
Blogger •°¤*(¯`°ƒåήğזє°´¯)*¤°• said...

lol...I never said spiders werent good :P

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 7:01:00 pm  

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