Friday, April 14, 2006

Unnoticed Separation Anxiety

Time started: 9:59pm
Place: My room
Weather: Dull
Mood: Depressed

Great...I'm back to my dark corner again in my mind, just sitting there, crying. I had trouble waking up from a dream. I was very involved in my dream but I can't remember a thing. I can't remember if it was a good or a bad dream but when I woke up, I felt like I was brought back from the dead.
My stupid tutor for Design & Innovation hasn't replied to my email yet regarding my progress presentation. I emailed her 2 nights ago. I thought they were supposed to check their emails like 2 times a day. Now I've been sitting in front of my computer for 2 days stumped on what I'm supposed to do, waiting for her to reply >_<. I hate university now. It's so pointless and sucking out so much of my life. I hate life more and more as the working days pass. My university is so crap...crap teachers...crap subjects...crap homework...and they wonder why they're the lowest ranking university in Australia, if not the world! I am so unmotivated to do any work right now... I was in no working mood so I drew instead. Since it's Easter, I drew a picture for deviantart ^_^. Overall I'm quite proud of it. It's my first digital drawing. I did the lineart by pencil then I did everything else on Paint.Net and Microsoft Paint. I wish I had photoshop though :( the way, I was listening to "Shespider" all day on repeat still. Anyway...nothing happened today which made me even more depressed. I missed a lot of people too. The loneliness today was torturous. At night I went to watch some TV for once. "Super Nanny" was on. It was rather good actually, seeing how the Nanny taught the parents how to raise their troublesome kids better. Then I cried. I missed my dad again. I felt so miserable. I just want him. I don't know why I miss him so much. I barely know him. Even though he doesn't take much notice of me I just couldn't help feeling his loneliness. I wanted to be with him, to keep him company. I didn't care if he didn't love me very much. I just wanted to be a part of his life and have him in mine...*sigh* he'll never know of my separation anxiety for him. No one notices...
You know...I guess it sounds a bit stupid to say "my heart is breaking" but this statement was created for a reason. There really is this stabbing pain in your chest as if your heart really is breaking.
I'm regretting my sources of happiness these last few days too...I didn't mention what it was (and I probably won't) in my blog specifically but it's really haunting my thoughts now and it won't go away. I wish it would because it's making my life so bloody complicated...I'm so stupid. I've made the same stupid mistakes again...
I wish this part of me would just go away...

Time finished: 10:17pm
Weather: Dead
Mood: Deep regret


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Min, cheer up! *hugs* love you heaps!

Friday, April 14, 2006 10:42:00 pm  
Blogger •°¤*(¯`°ƒåήğזє°´¯)*¤°• said...

*hugs* thanks, Jun. You mean a lot to me. I love you soooo much!

Friday, April 14, 2006 10:43:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You mean a lot to me too. Definitely love you A LOT TOO! <3

Friday, April 14, 2006 10:50:00 pm  
Blogger •°¤*(¯`°ƒåήğזє°´¯)*¤°• said...

thank you!

Friday, April 14, 2006 10:51:00 pm  
Blogger Bird said...

I hope whatever was making you happy in the last few days will make you happy again.

You are a wonderful person and you just need to see that yourself. I am heading away now (like 200 km away) and won't be back till later tomorrow. I have a lot of things on my mind and it's consuming my soul...

Take care of yourself! Love u lots

Saturday, April 15, 2006 3:36:00 pm  
Blogger •°¤*(¯`°ƒåήğזє°´¯)*¤°• said...

I don't want it to make me happy'll ruin my life and I'll just end up like I was before...
I'm making the same mistakes again. I'm wanting what I cannot have. It's just not right...
I hope you'll enjoy being 200km away wherever you're going. Lots of sight seeing?
Hope to talk to you soon!
Please take care =)
Love Hui-Min

Saturday, April 15, 2006 3:39:00 pm  

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