Happiness...

Time started: 10:49pm
Place: My room
Weather: Calm
Mood: Happy

This is quite a contrast to my last blog isn't it? I'm feeling very happy. I felt happy a few hours I did my last blog. I think I suffer from bipolar disorder because I'm either really happy or depressed. Anyway...after the blog I stayed up all night pretending to do homework (but really I was just talking to Lou and Erik all night). ERIK GOT MY LETTER! YAY!! ^.^
In the morning I went to school (yay... -.-) and nothing much happened. We had an hour break in between though which was cool. After our Design and Innovation tutorial in the morning Kat and I went to Casuarina. I bought a webcam and a microphone and I was like...YAY.
We say Nadine and her boyfriend (I don't know what his name is) and we had lunch together. I had chicken tandoori from Maccas :D (they had something healthy! :D)
Then we walked around aimlessly around Casuarina and as we went to the library we saw our younger-still-in-high-school friends coming back from school. I was glad to see them. Haven't seen them for AGES!!
At 3pm Katerina and I went back to my place and played around with my new toy ^^. Jasper was the first victim of my first toy's use. The microphone sounds so good! Then I had a crazy audio conversation with John and Meiling (they're CRAZY!!). Katerina went even crazier with the mic and cam. She's so evil when she's having fun :S
Later it was time for Kat to go back to school. I just had a bit of an afternoon nap, then had dinner...then did homework...and talked to Jasper and my aunt with my new toy :P
Meh...don't have much to say...just really happy today ^_^.

Time finished: 11:35pm
Weather: Just stopped raining
Mood: Light-hearted

Hopeless...

Time started: 11:31pm
Place: My room
Weather: It's always the same...
Mood: Who cares...

I felt completely dead in the morning. I struggled to move up and out of bed. I didn't sleep last night. Well...it was more like having nightmares while I'm not sleeping. I spaced out from meditating. Meditating's supposed to be a peaceful thing but all I got last night were nightmares. I felt nothing but dread and as I got up to do some boring Chemistry homework I found no passion at all for getting the questions right.
Oh do I really have to go to school? Far out. Practicals are so dumb...Once upon a time I loved doing practicals. Well I guess today's practical was okay. It was mostly us looking at bacteria and fungi under the microscope. Some of the bacteria were cute. There was one kind that swam around, tumbling around with their little flagellas. They had a halo around their bodies that would expand and contract randomly and it looked so cool. The little bacteria looked so happy tumbling around the fluid. They were colourful too.
Well I was in a pretty crap mood because two practicals for Chemistry were due today and I left out quite a few questions. Thankfully I managed to get them done during the Chemistry tutorial although I'm pretty sure I stuffed up one of them but I didn't have time to figure out how to do it right and frankly I was sick and tired about worrying about my work...I mean, that's what got me so sick last year. I worried too much about my work and ended up in hospital multiple times. I just need to get a life!
The Chemistry practical looked easy. Eliza and I were cruising while we were doing the practical. We were supposed to collect hydrogen gas from magnesium strips. We were supposed to get 0.2 grams of the strip (and we did! We measured it on the scale three times!) and with that amount you can't possibly collect more than 200ml of hydrogen gas. All the other groups got around 150ml and they packed up to leave about 15 minutes before us. Eliza and I were the only ones left behind with our magnesium strip still disposing off hydrogen gas. We got to the 210ml mark and we knew there had to be something wrong. It looked like the magnesium strip could go on for another half hour. Our laboratory teacher told us to stop the experiment and that our amount of magnesium was surely over 0.2 grams by a long shot. Oh screw that! We measured it three times...it can't possibly be why. You know what's really stupid? Every single week Eliza and I are always the last ones to finish an experiment. We do everything right yet we always stuff up somewhere...it's just annoying! I'm so fed up with these gay practicals that never go right. Maybe it's because I'm doing the stupid experiment. I never seem to get things right.
Well there was one thing that made me happy today. I got 2 of my assignments back. I got 95% for my Microbiology practical write up which is great. What's making me pinch myself is my Chemistry practical write up. I got 99% for it! It was unbelievable! The mark annoyed me though because I lost 1% because I forgot to label one of the units...grams for a mass. I left out a dang "g". It's FRUSTRATING KNOWING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET 100%!! >.<;;
I was on a high when I got home for a while. I never get good grades! It was always hard enough for me to get over 70% for year 12!!!
*Sigh* I swear...I'm not supposed to be happy or something. My happiness didn't last very long. All of a sudden while I was talking to my friends (or rather...not talking to much at all...) I felt so hopeless again. I just felt like I was someone who could never do anything right and I felt like I was losing all my friends. That was not the case at all though, but why do I feel this way? Life just continues to feel more empty and empty as time passes. I always feel like I'm pissing people off. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just pissing myself off. Maybe it's just mood swings...I don't know...I probably don't want to be happy or something.
I wish Andrew would unblock me already...I know that won't happen. I've lost a friend and with no reason at all. I'm not talking to Aaron either, still. I guess that's another friend lost. I've also lost my likingness of talking to people as well. Am I going back to my anti-social stage? I was anti-social for most of my childhood. It wasn't until high school I started talking and hanging around people whom I could call my friends.
Tonight I didn't want to talk to people...no matter how much I loved them. No...I do want to talk to them. I just didn't know how to anymore. Is that's what making me sad? No...I don't want to talk to people tonight. I'm so confused!
Now just for randomness (however it does contribute majorly to my psychotic feelings):
I'm so in love with him I can't decide to be happy or sad about it. He talked to me tonight without being weird. I love him...Unlike my happiness, I can't let him go...yet I let go of my happiness so quickly and easily.
I have no motivation whatsoever of doing my homework which is due in 2 days either. I don't want to do anything. I just want to die. My life is nothing tonight.
I hope I feel better tomorrow...I don't want to go back to that depressive stage again. I don't want to hurt myself and consequently...end up hurting other people. I just want to get rid of these dark emotions that just drift around in my mind all day, every day waiting for me to do something bad.
I miss my family in Malaysia. While I was there I had trouble fitting in...being all Western and alone but I miss being with them, just because I was part of their family.
I miss Jun. Poor Jun, I'm always making her worried about me. She tries to cheer me up too but nothing helps. Jun, if you're reading this, I'm sorry whenever I feel depressed and it's like you can't do anything about it. The truth is...you do just about everything for me. You're always there for me. Even if you don't say anything at all...just being there because I was depressed. That's all I need. It's so selfish of me to worry you...I love you so much, Jun.
Am I an attention seeker? I don't mean to be so dramatic around people. I'm so sorry...The tragic things always seem to happen when I'm around...I just wish I could shut up and be happy.
I miss Meiling. *Sigh* I don't know why I have to complain so much about my life. Meiling is a lot worse off than I am yet she can still manage to be happy...she's just amazing. Her mother has been in America for 5 years so far...Meiling can't cope well with school and she pretty much has to fend for herself over there...and she still could be happy...
I miss my friends. They always made me feel good about myself. My life just feels like nothing without them. I feel like I'm losing them therefore my will to live is going away too...
I miss him...tonight, for the first time in a while, I felt that connection we once had long ago. We just talked to each other with the fewest words yet it reassured the both of us that we would always be friends. I shouldn't care if he loves me in that way or not. It's funny how words like "nah, it's fine" and "goodnight, Hui" could make your heart soar. I realised tonight that he has every intention of staying friends with me for life... Is that supposed to mend or break my heart? I don't know.
Yes...I'm hopeless. I'm unhappy because I feel worthless in every aspect...wanting what everyone wants: to be loved by friends...yet in some ways it pains me to know that I have friends and family who care...
I feel emotionless right now...
And I'm making no sense. I don't even know what I'm talking about...

Time finished: 12:34am
Weather: There's nothing
Mood: There's nothing

Blue & Yellow

Time started: 10:13pm
Place: My room
Weather: Calm
Mood: Bored

On Monday my Design & Innovation lecture was only an hour long which was a bonus. Then my group (with the exception of Brydie and an addition of Katerina) went to Big W at Casuarina to buy a mop and broom for our invention, the "swop". It was kind of odd shopping with 3 boys for a mop and a broom. The cashier kind of looked at us weird too as if the lot of us were living together. As odd as it was...it was rather enjoyable, even though I wasn't really friends with them.
Katerina and I then just walked around Casuarina looking for microphones and webcams for my computer. My cousin in Malaysia and my aunt in America wants me to get them because they weren't good at typing and not good at English either. I found some but didn't have the money with me so then we just went to clothes stores and tried on some clothes (OMG! I actually went CLOTHES SHOPPING!! *Dies* X_x). I got a black shirt with skulls on it from Alley (just my style lol).
It was time for us to take the buses home so we said goodbye and...home sweet home. I was feeling a bit tired when I got home. I didn't even do much that day. For the rest of the night I started on some homework but I mostly procrastinated by doing random tests on Tickle. Muahaha...I have an IQ of 127 and I'm a visual mathematician (wow...it's as if I'm actually smart...wooaah!! =P). I also discovered that "Love" rules my unconcious psych/mind. Sounds about right...
Let's just say all of this was my "yellow" mood. And now the "blue" mood starts.
When I got off the computer I was still feeling restless so I wrote my thoughts in my personal diary (and the content is to remain a secret). I couldn't get to sleep (as usual) until around about 5:30am. I got up at 8:50am this morning and my first lecture today was at 9am so I was like "aaaaaaaaaaIIIIIII'm not gonna make it -.-". This is the first time in my life I've missed out on class without an appropriate reason. I assumed that I was going to be awake the whole time. I KNEW I should've put on the alarm! Oh well...I still did the lecture notes. The lecture notes were online. I actually learnt more at home than when I actually turn up to the lectures. So in a way...I didn't really miss the lecture. I just did it externally.
And back to the "yellow" mood...
At 11:40am I setted off to school to meet Katerina for lunch. While I walked to school I listened to "Blue & Yellow" by the Used over and over again. I listened to it all through eating my fried rice lunch too. I probably listened to it 30 times in a row today. I'm still not sick of the song. I've been in love with it since the middle of last year. "Blue & Yellow" is by far one of my most treasured songs ^.^
I met up with Eliza in the library after lunch then we all went back to the cafeteria just to sit and talk (I was still listening to "Blue & Yellow" and singing away annoyingly...). At quarter to 1pm we went to our next lecture.
Woohoo! I was actually learning something in today's Anatomy & Physiology lecture. I learnt about...um...blood! It's red...and...fluidy...yeah...go me and my brain!
We finished our lecture half an hour early (woohoo!) so Eliza and I went to the library computers to check up on what to do for our course in the second year. I think I'll specialise into pathology next year.
Then we decided to muck around so Eliza did the same IQ test that I did last night. I wished I had a video camera. Watching her think with her actions and facial expressions was highly amusing! ^.^ I just laughed throughout most of the way and gave her giveaway hints for mathematical questions. Serves me right for that...she ended up with a better IQ of 133 >.<;; (nah...she's smart. She deserves it!). Time for our final lecture. OMG! WE DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP IN MICROBIOLOGY THIS TIME! THAT'S AMAZING! I guess it's because we enjoyed each other's company that was hyping the both of us up. Eliza learnt a lot in tonight's lecture...I..on the other hand, was sketching all over my exercise book (I learnt some things...honest...I learnt that...protozoa...were um...um...microorganisms XD). Yay! We got let out and hour early! 7pm instead of 8pm! WOOHOO (but then again we always get let out early in Microbiology lectures). I felt lazy walking to my house so I got mum to pick me up (it was dark anyway and my bag was really heavy). When I got home...my mood was "blue" again. I don't know why. I think I felt kind of lonely. I miss my friends. It hasn't been a very active night at all. I preoccupied myself with some more tickle tests and didn't talk much to people at all. I'll be doing my homework soon but right now I can't be bothered and I feel kind of depressed. I don't have any idea why though. Probably just loneliness... "Blue & Yellow" the story of my life...

"Well you'll never find it...if you're looking for it...
Should've done something but I've done it enough. By the way, your hands were shaking, rather waste some time with you...
Should've said something but I've done it enough. By the way, my words were faded, rather waste some time with you..."

Indeed I can never find it when I'm looking for it. I rather waste some time...with the people who don't make me feel lonely too...but where are they all tonight? I'm so lonely...

Time finished: 10:44pm
Weather: Calm
Mood: Separation Anxiety/Lonely

Superheroes for Movie Night

Time started: 4:42pm
Place: My room
Weather: Hot
Mood: Content

Yay! It was time to go to Liz's house for a movie night! I went over to Em's place at around 5:45pm so she could take me to Liz's place. We got there at around 6:30pm. Erin, Brentley, Sara, Julie and Lani were already there sitting around, outside on the dining table. We talked about random things outside for about an hour until our dinner was cooked. COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF, LIZ!!! She's so bloody good at cooking!! We had baked potatoes (it was awesome), salad (very nice!) and fish (yum....). Erin made pavlova and it tasted sooooooo good! ^.^
After our dinner we went inside to the living room to watch "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" and personally I kinda thought it was boring XD. Before we watched it I called my Singaporean cousin, Jun on my mobile. I got to talk to Lena and Peggy too ^^ and got Emily to talk to Jun (because she was planning to meet Jun in Singapore during her holiday in May) but they couldn't hear each other well :(. After the movie Brentley had to go home so...bye bye mummeh (yes, Brentley is my mother XD)!!! Erin used Lani's car to drive him home (he lived all the way at Howard Springs) so we all watched "X-Men 1.5" (can anyone tell me why it's 1.5?) while they were gone. Everyone was just perving on Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) and Sean Ashmore (Bobby) and I was like "meh...." XP. Lani was getting cranky coz she wanted to go home however Erin still had her car "on her way back". We finished "X-Men 1.5" and Erin finally got back. Lani and Erin then went home and then we watched "X-Men 2". Emily and Liz were having so much fun because Sean Ashmore was in this movie more *eye roll* and I was like "Nightcrawler!!! <3" XD (yes, the character's cool ^^). After that, we were tired so we all went to hit the sack (well, except for me since...I don't sleep). Emily and I slept in one room. Julie and Liz slept in the other. Emily stayed up a further hour talking about a manga she was making (it sounds cool...it's about these kids who are Element Guardians and they're trying to stop this feud between the Gods to save the world). Then she was tired so I turned off the light and she went to sleep. I slept for about an hour then woke up again and couldn't get back to sleep. So I meditated (but it was kinda hard since I wasn't in my own room) and after that I just listened to my iPod until it was dawn. When dawn approached I grabbed a book from Liz's bookshelf and read until everyone woke up.
When they did, we watched half of "The Incredibles" (it's the first time I've watched it) and I really like it :). We watched it until it was 11am then Liz took us to Target where we had to meet Em's mother to go bra shopping (oh joy... :/). Yay! We got Em's bras XD so we went back to Em's place to watch the last half of "The Incredibles" before they took me home.
I was back by 1:45pm and I had to teach in 15 minutes. My first student, Melissa came 10 minutes late though but at least I had more time to get ready hehe...she did well for her lesson today :). At 3pm Kae-jenn was my next student and he did well too ^^. I love teaching =D
Well...that was pretty much my day today...nice and relaxed and I got to meet everyone =)

Time finished: 5:06pm
Weather: I can't tell if it's hot anymore because I turned on the airconditioner...however it seems fine.
Mood: Light hearted ^.^

What an Awesome Day!

Time started: 12:48am
Place: My room
Weather: Fine
Mood: Extremely Happy

Well...I started my day by calling Erik who's all the way in Sweden. I could only talk to him for 5 minutes though (although it felt like 5 seconds) but it was cool :D *bounce bounce bounce*
Anyway...after he went to bed I got bored so I took random photos of me in my room and produced "Out there..." and "Self Expression" (in my deviantart gallery). Sadly it was then time for school and I had a very boring 1 hour Anatomy and Physiology Tutorial from 11-12pm (but it was only 1 hour...all good).
Then I had lunch with Jade, Eliza and Katerina. Nothing much happened except us eating XD
Then we went to the computer labs to study for out A & P test (which we were going to do online straight after).
*Dramatic music* dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn! It was time to do our test! We chose the quietest room possible and OFF WE WENT! WIEE!! I got 17/20 for the test! YAY! I thought I was going to fail!! Then I went to hand in my assignments that were due that day. YAY! NO MORE HOMEWORK FOR THE WEEKEND! YAY!! I feel so bloody relieved!
STAYING OVER AT LIZ'S FOR THE WEEKEND! WOOHOO!! ^.^
Anyway...after school...Kat and I took the bus to Casuarina and had some chips then caught our own buses home. On my bus ride I produced "Going Home" (also featured in my gallery). Then I got into the whole photography thing so I went home, to the back of my house, and produced "Just Around the Corner" (yep...in dA again).
Evening arrived and Antje and Rose (the two students living at my house) wanted to go night shopping. I drove them to Casuarina and they went ballistic with the food shopping XD. They then begged me to drive them to the other side of Darwin (it's only 10 minutes away though...Darwin's small...) because they had a birthday party to attend to. Ahh well...I like driving so that was a bonus ^^
After I abandoned (nah not really) the girls at their party I went home and talked to people (in a very happy manner) on msn ^^. Happy happy joy joy. I had an emailing marathon with Samantha (since she wasnt allowed to be on msn) and now my inbox contains 2 consecutive pages of her emails! Go us! Had fun talking to Erik too (even though we had a phone convo in the morn) and now Samantha is his pet duck! Hehe...
Birdie got on as well and haven't seen him for ages :D!! Love his randomness! <3>
*bounce bounce bounce* I like this temporary freedom! I can't wait til I get to Liz's! *bounces*
I should get off now coz mother's getting cranky (my typing is keeping her awake)

Time finished: 1:11am (Woohoo! triple 1! How cool!) XP
Weather: Fine!
Mood: LALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAA!

Last Dinner and Finished Homework!

Time started: 12:59am
Place: My room
Weather: Still
Mood: Relieved

I had trouble waking up in the morning again. I was running late for school so I walked really fast to school. It started to rain on me and from walking so fast my left ankle started hurting (limped the last quarter of the way) because I busted it 7 times throughout my life. I was wet and limping but I made it to school on time *sigh of relief!*. Today my design group progressed well. Brendan and Ben got the hinge for out "swop" invention and we all finally worked out how to build our darn thing. For once our group got our acts together!!
At the end of the tutorial Katerina and I went to the cafe to buy her lunch then walked back to my place and ate our lunches there. We studied for the first hour then Katerina showed me these strange videos on You Tube. Then we watched an episode of Full Metal Panic then it was time for Kat to go.
I got ready to go out with my dad for dinner. Our last dinner before he leaves. Dad was leaving for Malaysia. He's leaving me again...like he always does. We went to this Thai and Chinese restaurant at Nightcliff. We both didn't speak much. Then at the end he said "don't stress yourself out, ok?". I was so happy at that moment. He cared. He actually cared about me...
Soon our dinner was over so he dropped me home again. I gave him a little kiss goodbye and watched him drive off. That was going to be the last time I would see him for quite a while. It's strange for me to say I'll miss him. My father and I never had a close relationship...at times there was no relationship at all.
I was feeling really stressed out when I got home because I was back to school reality. Two assignments due and a test worth 15% of my grades that covers 11 TOPICS for Anatomy & Physiology X_x!!!!!!!!! I quickly got to work. And after a few long, and stressful hours I finally finished both my assignments (don't get me wrong I did most of it throughout the week...and not in the last minute...for once). RELIEF!!! BIG BIG RELIEF!!! I am so glad they're done! Well...all I got now is revision for my test. I think I'm going to fail *cries* but I have something to look forward on Saturday as mentioned on my previous blog. No change of plans :D
Right now I'm talking to Erin aka Bities (my lovely insomniac twin <3) and Erik aka Fanatism (my lovely master *wags tail* <3). That's what I love about this hour...groovy people who are around while you're staying up and have no one to talk to. Well...I'm really tired at the current moment from all the consumption of my very limited brain power in the last few hours so I'm going to stop here. In about 6 hours I will be calling Erik for the first time *is excited*. I look forward to it (I hope I'm not too sleepy when I do). It's great hearing a voice for the first time =D. The joys of technology!!

Time finished: 1:45am
Weather: Seems hot...(my mother just turned off the a/c and now she's sleeping on the remote >.<)
Mood: Excited in a sleep deprived way.

Dumb Practicals

Time started: 8:51pm
Place: My room
Weather: Windy
Mood: Tired

I had trouble waking up this morning from the exhaustion of sadness the previous night. It was lucky my class started at 1pm although I wasted the time in the morning in which I planned to do some homework and studying. I woke up at around 10am and thought "stuff this" and just went online to do whatever...
Even though I slept early and slept for so many hours I was still feeling really dead and completely unenthusiastic.
I rocked up at school around noon. Went to the library and tried to do a bit of studying before class started...only managed to do 2 questions from my textbook though...
Soon it was time for class. Eliza looked a bit dead today too. I must say, today in the Microbiology Laboratory Session...we did the crappest practical ever invented. During the previous week we got bacteria from our hands and put them on agar plates. Today we counted them...yippee...the purpose of today was to see how incredibly filthy your hands are...woohoo -.- (Eliza managed to get fungus growing on her agar plate XD). Then we had to get soil, heat it up in a test tube and put it in saline solution to cultivate the bacteria "naturally". It seemed pretty boring...I don't know what we have to do with the soil in next week's practical. After that we had to chop off some roots and but them in alcohol and acid and crap like that...and put it on the agar plate. Then we had to Gram-stain our bacteria and observe it under the microscope (and I must say I have the best looking bacteria in my group XD). It was like 3 pracs at once today and it was kinda confusing and believe it or not...the whole thing took 3 hours to do -.-;;. Our laboratory session was supposed to end at 3 but it ended at 4 WHICH WAS WHEN MY CHEMISTRY TUTORIAL STARTED!!! >.<;;
Oh well...one good thing happened today. I got my two assignments back from Microbiology and received a High Distinction for both of them so I was quite happy.
Eliza and I arrived at our Tutorial 10 minutes late (darn Microbiology practical!) and we were not in good moods. The practical was boring...the tutorial was also boring...there was this student that asked "why is this and this done this way?" (forgot the exact question) and the teacher's response was "well...this is this because this is what it should be" and I was just rolling my eyes. We're two topics behind in this subject and she can't explain things...not to mention she didn't order enough textbooks for the class too so the majority of us can't do our studying and assignments!!
At 5 we had our Chemistry Laboratory Session and today we did titrations. Eliza and I were not at the best of moods at around this time. We were tired, bored, and annoyed...
Our titration results rocked though. They were just about perfect. Still, we weren't in the mood to be happy about dang titration results...
7pm...about freakin' time school finished. I dunno...maybe the previous night influenced me to think of everything so dull. I'm normally a very enthusiastic student...but today...I just couldn't be bothered.
Oh well...at least on Saturday I have something to look for. Elizabeth is having a movie night over at her place on Saturday night. I haven't seen most of my friends for a long time. Saturday evening is a very good thing to look forward to indeed...

Time finished: 9:26pm
Weather: Light drizzle
Mood: Bored

Was I Ever Your Friend?

Time started: 10:05pm
Place: My room
Weather: Cold
Mood: Hurt

I just discovered a friend of mine since the age of 10 blocked me on msn. His name is Andy. I was talking to my friend Rebecca and she was talking to Andy. I thought "oh ok...I must've not seen him on my contact list" so I went to look for him and couldn't find him so I asked Rebecca what his screen name was. When she told me I found it in the offline section...then I knew he blocked me...
Wondering if I really did anything wrong I checked the last conversation I had with Andy through my message history and it was me asking how he was going with his new life in Brisbane. I haven't spoken to him since before I went to Malaysia in early December so I thought I had lots of catching up to do. As far as I could tell...there was nothing wrong with the conversation. We discussed the subjects we were doing and our new lives at uni.
I showed Aaron, Andy's best friend, our last conversation to see if he could find why he blocked me. Aaron simply said "lol, too many questions"...I was puzzled "So he blocked me because I asked too many questions?!?!" and he said "they're annoying". Aaron, whom I've also known since 10, really shocked me with that. He's always been really nice and made people feel good about themselves...you could imagine how hurt I felt. "Well considering I haven't talked to him for months and I didn't get to say goodbye to him when he left...I was only trying to be nice by seeing how he was going!!" and his response was "but seriously...they're annoying!". I had it then...I just appeared offline and blocked out the entire world. I was too hurt to talk to anyone...I still am as I make this post. Two of my friends whom I've known the longest out of everyone still within contact of me, had made me felt completely worthless...
Maybe I'm just overreacting but I can't help feeling so put down. Here I am trying to acknowledge that I am indeed worth something. That has been a challenge for me throughout my life. My parents for starters weren't the best at making their daughter feel good about herself. I guess my "friends" just reassured my worth...nothing...
I guess I shouldn't ask questions anymore...

Time finished: 10:18pm
Weather: Cold
Mood: Scarred...

Something to do while I'm Procrastinating...

Time started: 8:31pm
Place: My room
Weather: Boring
Mood: Annoyed

Yep...I shouldn't be procrastinating but I just can't set my mind into a working mood at the moment. I have 3 assignments due on Wednesday too...I should get cracking after this post.
Well...I can't say that it was the BEST day I've had...but there were some good things that happened.
Katerina and Samantha wanted me to have lunch with them at Uni but mother conveniently made me a healthy lunch so I didn't go. I ate avocadoes, fresh tomatoes and fish. While I was eating, Katerina text messaged me and said "OMG! I'm eating vegetables and it actually tastes nice!" and my jaw just dropped (knowing Katerina...she would NEVER eat vegetables...) and I messaged her back saying how shocked I was...let alone actually liking the taste. I felt quite proud of her ^^. I hope you're reading this, Kat.E!
After I had my lunch I went to school and met up with Kat and Sam where they just had their lunch. Then we walked down to the post office so I could post Erik's letter and I swear the man working at the PO must've been so sick of us. I write to a lot of people and I go there every week posting letters (and recharging my phone since I use up a lot of credit really fast -.-) while Kat tags along or buys lollies there XD. Kat and the PO man had a nice conversation about the cherry drops or whatever they were..."I've got none today but I've ordered 20 more just for you" and I said "See Kat? You'r spethal =P" (with a lisp) <> and Kat was like "I know I'm special...but you can't put all 20 of them on that thing!" *points on this small lollybox holder thingamabob whatsit....
After that...we walked around building 42 looking for my darn Microbiology lecturer's assignment box (he didn't specify where it was besides saying it was in building 42). I was stressing out all week because I couldn't find it. I finished the assignmnet a week early too but it was due today and I couldn't hand it in coz HE DIDN'T TELL US WHERE THE ASSIGNMENT BOX WAS! *grumbles*. Finally...we found it...well...we had help actually XD by this strange adult who was wearing thongs in the building even when the sign outside the building saying "People wearing thongs or other uncovered shoes are not permitted in this building" *looks at Kat and Sam who were also wearing thongs*.
Then, it was 12:30pm and our lecture didn't start til 1 so Kat and I decided to look for our Design and Innovation tutor's assignment box (and after walking around deciding what building it was in...we didn't really find it...).
BORING LECTURE TIME! X_x...hmm...we learnt about how the houses of Darwin were built (Katerina fell asleep 5 times and Erin messaged me during the lecture...great timing...so I just messaged her back and forth and did not pay attention to anything).
FINALLY THE BORING LECTURE ENDED (nearly and hour early too!). I then talked to my group members about what we were going to do (we were supposed to go shopping together today). Ben and Brendan said "We'll go get the Joint at Bunnings" and Brydie was like "JOINT?! *makes a smoking action*" XD (she's such a sucker lol). But we all know that the guys meant HINGE joint :P. Well...that meant that the guys didn't need us girls to go with them so Brydie went home to sleep and I went to Casuarina with Katerina (lol...that sounds funny...Casuarina with Katerina XD).
Erin picked us up from the bus stop (all hail people with cars!) and off we went...first Kat and I got ice-cream while Erin discreetly followed us XD. Then we ran into Jade (who was supposed to be at the lecture but wasn't). She told us how she nearly burnt her home last night. It was kinda hilarious...she tried to put out a fire with an icecream container and a baking tray after putting the fire into her bin XD. She had to go to hospital for a blood test so she had a day off today.
We then joined Jade for lunch...then Lani and her mother and her gorgeous new 6 weeks old sister ran into us ^.^
Jennifer (Lani's sister) was so gorgeous ^.^ she was sleeping in the pram. Then I said "She's so cute" and the baby smiled while sleeping and Lani's mum was like "it's because you said she was cute".
Then Lani and her mother had to go. So Jade, Rin, Kat and I walked aimlessly around the shopping centre. We looked at the gorgeous pups and kittens at the pet store. I fell in love with the golden retriever and the labradoodles!! ^_^ <3 Then Jade had to go home...so...Kat, Rin and I continued to walk aimlessly around the store...then we got bored so we got Erin to take us back to the Uni XD.
It wasn't much different when Kat and I got to the Uni though...we walked around aimlessly there too...trying to look for Nikki, Kat's sister. Then we gave up so we both went home.
I had a short nap when I got home (coz I was feeling so tired...) then went onto the computer to attempt starting to work on my assignments...um...let's say...I failed to do so ;)
Mum came home from work...she's cranky as usual. She's been at me all night actually...it's annoying -.- but I guess...that's what mothers do...I was feeling quite hopeless when I started writing this blog but now I'm feeling a bit better after writing about the good things that happened today. I kinda forgotten why I was mad at my mother now...ahh well...that's a good thing.
Now...I shall attempt to work on my assignments! Wish me luck!

Time finished: 9:24pm
Weather: Breezier
Mood: Somewhat content

*Bounce Bounce Bounce*

Time started: 10:19am
Place: My room
Weather: Fine fine fine
Mood: Bubbly ^.^

I don't know why! But I'm feeling happy today! I was not in a good all night the spider was killed and for half the day the next day...until I got to talk to my cousin, Jun. I don't know why but everytime I get to talk to her, she has this affect on me and I get all happy ^.^ then everyone else around me makes me happy ^.^ I love my widdle cousin, Jun Jun forever!!
Lol...I must be Erik obsessed or something coz my entire msn name is dedicated to him and it's funny XD. I posted all these strange drawings he's done over msn on deviantart too (he owes me big time for giving him free advertisement XD) then I wrote him a letter and drew him a drawing which I will post up after he receives it (I want it to be a surprise). It's strange how people you've never met can make you so happy ^^ (and I'm not just talking about Erik but to EVERYONE!!).
Yesterday I had a pretty good day after I got to talk to Jun. I taught my students and they did well ^.^ (they are so adorable) but the problem was I procrastinated so much yesterday I'm dreading the workload I'm about to face for uni X_x
Oh well...I haven't been this happy for a while...all my posts are upset -.-;;
Just decided to make a happy post for once...
Right now I am talking to Kaokun...HI KAOKUN! IF YOU READ THIS! YOU HAVE BEEN HUGGLED!! ^.^ Kaokun's awesome ^^. Just want to thank him for the love and support =D! Best of luck with your university and food dieting and WHERE IS YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY! I HAVE NOT SEEN IT FOR A LONG LONG TIME! >.<;; (yes...I have to scowl you at one point or another *winks*...nah...j/k I know you're busy!). I haven't drawn for a long time too...maybe I should get crackin'. I want to draw the singing frogs that annoy my mother and Bities as ELTON JOHN! YES BITIES! YOU LOOK LIKE ELTON JOHN! XD j/k (don't worry...it's a gaia thing...)
Anywayz...again...just want to say to ALL my friends (and cousins) thank you for making me happy ^.^

Time finished: 10:29am
Weather: Fine fine fine still ^.^
Mood: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Why Are Humans so Cruel?

Time started: 7:58pm
Place: My room
Weather: Dead...
Mood: Mournful

Just a few moments ago...an event happened outside on the veranda that made me hate humans in general...
I was in my room, doing my microbiology practical write up then the German student, Antje called me outside from the veranda.
"Hui-Min!"
"Yes?"
"There's a spider outside...can you look at it?"
So I walked outside amused for a while. And there on the floor was the spider. I thought it was absolutely beautiful. Okay...many people are afraid of spiders...I admit that sometimes I am myself. But I still love them.
"Is it poisonous?" Antje asked me...
"I don't think so..."
"What's that white thing?"
"It looks like her egg!" and I was so delighted to see the spider holding her children so close to her body, protecting it from harm. It was such a magnificent creature and I was sure it must've been scared being on human territory...looking for a place to take care of her young. Antje was only scared that it would crawl up her leg while she gets her towel that was hanging on the clothes line to dry.
"She's not going to do anything...I think it's just waiting for you to go away. She's so scared she can't move." I told her
"Are you sure? I'm so terrified of spiders I feel like puking right now."
"Aww...look, I'll get your towel for you. You just go inside, take a drink and have a rest. It will be fine."
So she did what I said as she went in the house. I got the towel and went back inside too and got back to doing my homework. Then my mother asked Antje why she was scared. Naturally Antje told her about the spider so my mum went outside to have a look. This is where I would never forgive myself...
I just stayed in my room, listening to my mother outside. I only thought she was outside to have a look at the spider...then to my horror I heard a shoe slap on the floor. I instantly knew she was dead. Her and her young, just killed there on the veranda by my mother. I immediately ran out.
"Mum! Why did you do it? What did she do to you? Did you really have to kill her? She had an egg!"
I was seriously about to cry. I just wished I could go back in time a few minutes. I wished I gently picked up the spider and put her far away into the bush away from us. I should've done that but instead I just let her stay there where it was dangerous for her and her young. I should've known she was going to get killed if she stayed there. It was all my fault...
My mother didn't say a word. I couldn't tell if she felt guilty or thought I was just plain stupid. I didn't notice anything about my mother...I just went back into my room, crying. She didn't do anything...she was only waiting for Antje to go back inside so she could find a safe place to take care of her egg...She was more terrified than Antje. She was terrified like it was a matter of life and death...and it was. She's dead. They're all dead.
I don't care if people think "it's just a spider...". If she was "just a spider" then we might as well be "just humans". I don't care if we're supposedly the most intelligent beings on earth. I don't see why we should be more important than anything else that lives. We're the ones that are killing everything with our so-called "intelligence".
I live by my words: "show love and compassiong to all living things" and I do. And no-one's opinions (and yes they are entitled to their's) can change me.
Well now that Charlotte the spider is gone, there's nothing I can do but hope that right now her and her children are somewhere happy and safe where no harm could come to them.

And this comes to the end of a true story about the mothering spider protecting her young and the cruel acts of human kind...

Time finished: 8:33pm
Weather: Tranquil
Mood: Angry yet hopeful

Awkward Night to a Pleasant Day

Time started: 6:28pm
Place: My room
Weather: Not raining but quite nice
Mood: Anxiety

I was on msn last night talking to my friends...mostly my cousin, Mei Ling who just discovered the joys of MSN. I really miss her a lot and I was glad to be able to talk to her =). Later..."he" came on. I have no idea why but I felt really uneasy. It just felt like something was wrong with him and even though I talked to him a lot at the time I was really afraid of the things I'd say. Even though he was trying to be nice...I couldn't help feeling like he was acting cold towards me...it bothered me all night to another sleepless night. Maybe I'm being paranoid...but his best friend noticed he was acting weird too so...that just made me even more uneasy...I really should just forget him...
Well...I'm glad to say that I had a pretty good day with Eliza. First I had an hour tutorial for Anatomy & Physiology (I really need to study a lot more...) then we didn't have anything for the rest of the day so I invited Eliza over to my place. I really liked her company. It's so strange...we've only known each other for less than 3 weeks yet we became really good friends. I love it!
She listened to me play the piano, gave me some sushi and used my computer to submit some homework for her teacher. Then it was time for her to go back to uni to get picked up by her dad. She was unsure of the way of getting there again (even though it was only across the road) so I walked her back. There was about half an hour left until her dad was coming so we just sat in the library listening to her music. I found that her and me had similar taste of music (she likes rock oldies from the 80s ^.^). Then we walked to the front of uni where she was to be picked up. She told me how I could go over to her place and swim in the creek during the holidays (she lives a few hours away though lol...but I'd love to go!) and yeah...I felt from that moment that I've made a very close friend =). Then we talked about how I wanted to transfer to the University of Adelaide next year and she was horrified for a while then she said she might do the same (which sounds good to me! ^.^). Then her dad came to pick her up and I just walked back home again and I felt all happy.
So yeah...even though one person who I've known for 3 years makes me depressed...a person I've known for 3 weeks can make me happy =)

Time finished: 7:26pm
Weather: Still fine
Mood: Happier

This is me with red streaks ^^
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Mixed Salad of Emotions

Time Started: 10:02pm
Place: My room
Weather: Stopped raining
Mood: Mixed

This morning I had a 2 hour tutorial for Design & Innovation: Communicating Technology. My group who's building the "swop" (something that sweeps and mops at the same time) were starting to get their act together (even though our tutor thinks we're behind -.-). Overall it was pretty boring though...
When that was over, Katerina and I walked back to my house and watched a few episodes of Full Metal Panic as well as getting Erin to go out and have lunch with us at Casuarina. When we finally got her attention we got her to pick us up (hooray for people with cars!) and off we went.
Katerina and I had subway for lunch, Erin bought this gigantic cookie!! O_O It was MASSIVE! She was so cute while she ate it. She took such little delicate nibbles on the monster cookie ^.^.
I was glad to be out with Katerina and Erin especially since I don't get to see her much anymore :(
Later we walked to Socrates where I bought my skeleton kit. It glows in the dark! It's so cool =P. I named it Paul, after my Anatomy & Physiology lecturer. Just so I could pull apart the bones and torture it with pleasure XD (nah...Paul's my favourite lecturer at the moment, he's cool and has a great sense of humour XD). After I purchased Paul, Erin drove us back to my place. She seemed really happy and I was feeling happy too =). I like seeing my friends happy ^.^ I reckon it's the best thing in the world!<3>.<;; Anywayz.... *Daggers at her Anatomy & Physiology homework* I really should do some...but I just can't be bothered right now -.-;; I'd rather much torture Paul *pulls his lower jaw off* MUAHAHAHA! I'VE GOT HIS MANDIBLE! XD...see? It's still studying! I'm learning the different names of bones of Paul's skeleton as I pull them apart! Well…I think I’ll go find something to entertain myself with…um…oh look! FRIENDS! XD *Goes to attack her friends*

Time Finished: 10:25pm
Weather: Light Drizzle
Mood: Still mixed

The Insomniac's First Entry!

Time Started: 2:52am
Place: My room
Weather: Raining down hard!!
Mood: Somewhat content

Thanks to a new friend named Bagwell I've discovered this blogging thingymabob. I really need a blog! Finally I got one :D! I met Bagwell on deviantart and for the past few hours I've been talking to him and discovered that he's a very cool bloke who has a quite bit in common with me! ^^
Right now I should be sleeping but I haven't slept since Tuesday 7th March -.-
I started being an insomniac when I was 14 then became anaemic last year (I can never get sleeping right, can I?) and at this current moment I'm both! X_x
It has been raining a lot recently! I find the weather very relaxing. My mother hates it because at night the frogs don't shut up and she could never get to sleep. She went crazy so she went outside in the yard at 1:30am and shouted at them. It was rather hilarious actually...
Personally I love the sound of frogs...but then again, I don't sleep so the frogs don't bother me.
My three first weeks of university life has been great! Although there's so much work to be done already I quite enjoy it! The atmosphere is so much more laid back than high school and I don't know...the environment just makes me feel so much more mature, responsible and...intelligent? Probably because everyone's adults around there and you don't have the little annoying 8th Graders who bump you around the hall way because there are so many of them (like mushrooms....) like in high school! High school was merely just a chaotic playground that only stressed you out!
I miss my friends...ever since we graduated some of us have gone our separate ways. Although many remain in Darwin...we barely see each other anymore because most are taking a year off so they don't go to school with you. I miss my friends down south too hoping they're doing just fine being away from home. I'm worried that university and growing up will keep us all even more apart...our lives were one...we did everything together...now...we have to make our own lives...ourselves...
Deep down I know we will be together always...I could not ask for better friends. I cannot imagine my life without them. These friends have helped me get through such tough days and it just brings me to happy tears knowing how fortunate I am to have so many angels in my life just enlightening every aspect of my life! I only hope that I do the same for them! They deserve so much more than that!
Anyway...this is just a first blog...not posting any significant events yet...just warming up I suppose (not that I need to be warmed up since I live in Darwin XD...ok...that was lame *slaps herself*). I'm looking forward to wearing more of my heart on my sleeve in the next blog! ^.^

Time Ended: 3:15am
Weather: It's still raining hard...
Mood: Still pretty content...and wondering if any of her friends would read this!